So I know you're busy being selfish and egotistical, and maybe I should care a little more about how difficult your life is, what with your riches and whores, your trips around the world, your struggle with keeping a steady girlfriend, or getting pregnant which, yes, I know, was much longer of a wait for us, or whatever minor issue seems insurmountable to you right now...but here's the thing. Do you think you might be capable of laying down your ego for just a split second to be happy for us? Fuck that, I don't care if you like me or are happy for me... at least be happy for her. The most amazing thing in the universe, the gift of life, that which philosophers, doctors, the human race has studied and contemplated for centuries is happening to my wife right now.... would it kill you to pick up the phone and say "Congrats?" Don't even worry about making it sound sincere. I know that might be very difficult for you. I know I'm not privvy to a wealth of history you may have with her, both good and bad, but, seriously... get your fucking head out of your ass and be a human being for once. What have you got to lose? What do you gain by holding out on your emotions? What point are you trying to prove to us or yourself? Why should we give a fuck? In fact, the only thing you are proving is that you're a total asshole incapable of thinking of anybody but yourself...all the time. She's your sibling, or your best friend for God's sake. Hell, complete strangers have given her more enthusiasm than you. How pathetic. But, good. Make your point. Prove to me that I made the biggest mistake in my life by making you my BEST MAN AT MY FUCKING WEDDING. Asshole.
I wonder if you find the miracle that is the rescue of the miners in Chile annoying, or a minor inconvenience? I'm sure you've found some way to project your disdain for your own life onto them, saying something as asinine as "What were they doing down there anyway?" or "Serves 'em right." I can just hear you now.
Whatev. Go be miserable. You're really good at it. Geez, I wonder why you can't keep a girlfriend?
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